If you have never played the bawdy, off-color excellence that is Toonstruck, I suggest you give this classic a try. It will be difficult to finagle getting it to work on newer versions of Windows, but the rewards make the effort worthwhile.
For a quick plot summary, cartoonist Drew Blanc (Christopher Lloyd) is on a heavy deadline to create new characters for the Fluffy Fluffy Bun Bun Show before his sadistic boss (Ben Stein) gives him the axe. For some reason, Blanc is pulled into the world of Cutopia where he meets his first creation, Flux Wildly (Dan Castellaneta). Drew and Flux then have to stop the arch nemesis Nefarious (Tim Curry) from destroying all of Cutopia with the Malevolator.
The plot, however, is of little value overall. What makes the game is the all-star voice cast (fans of Tiny Toons, Animaniacs, Darkwing Duck, The Simpsons, etc. rejoice) and the incredibly simple, yet rewarding interface. The game is a very basic point-and-click where you can never actually lose or die, only fail to achieve. The enjoyment is had in the puzzle solving adventures that poke fun at childhood cartoons with noticeable affection. From the S&M cow to the flamboyant scarecrow to the evil robot (I’m pretty sure that one was Christopher Walken), the characters and situations combined with snappy zingers and language that feels just wrong in the context of a children’s world will keep you invested in finding out what’s around the next corner.
Again, if you grew up watching early 90’s cartoons and always wondered what it would be like if the cartoonists were let off leash, then Toonstruck is the game for you. While the game may be relatively quick, the puzzles and challenges should give even a seasoned gamer some pause. The worst part about this game is that it was cut in half before release, and the knowledge that somewhere out there is an entire other game we could have had at our disposal. Enjoy.
Spoiler alert: this review will spoil your expectations for the latest installment of the Bond series.
Now, I have endured my share of criticism lately as a fan of Pierce Brosnan’s Bond circa Goldeneye (although, a friend recently called Daniel Craig the working man’s Bond, which I found apt). However, most of the critique of Brosnan was leveled at the ridiculousness of the story or the flat performances—and only that—of the string of high-profile Bond girls. Well, Craig fans, welcome to your comeuppance.
The plot of Quantum of Solace is little more than a political intrigue piece with villains more along the lines of corrupt Enron executives rather than the stock and trade egomaniacal sociopath hell-bent on destruction. The Bond of this film is a shoot-em-first-ask-questions-later rampaging, murdering machine, which may excite action fans, but does little to progress the plot. It’s hard to understand the importance of characters one introduces when they are killed within the first 10 seconds of exposure. Ironically, M’s frustration with Bond’s massacre mirrored my own; can you please pretend like you understand the importance of information?
In the end, there is very little spy left in the current iteration of the James Bond franchise. Every world player seems to know who he is and who he works for, which certainly makes subtle infiltration difficult. In Casino Royale, he makes sure that Le Chiffre knows who he is, and in Quantum he turns down a discreet safe house opting instead for the most luxurious hotel in the area. The idea now is that Bond is a one man army who travels the globe taunting the antagonists to do something about him while quickly killing everyone in his path.
“This seems like an appropriate metaphor for the plot of our film.”
At the end of the film, one gets the feeling that this was far from cinema at its best. While high expectations may provide insight into the let down, a good film will rise above this challenge (e.g. Dark Knight). It is yet another example of how a bad plot and superfluous narratives will destroy a film, despite the best efforts of the lead character. So, while Brosnan may have appeared in his share of campy, throw away Bond films, Daniel Craig can now add one of those notches to his belt as well.
It is apparently time again for the perennial religious culture wars in the United States. Actually, let me be specific, since there is no end to the culture wars, religious wars, religious culture wars, or religious culture in the United States. It is time for the Christmas driven religious culture war—you know, the one that ends up lasting a solid two month or more (unless a pesky political revolution gets in the way).
Now, I generally try to stay the hell (ha ha) away from this entire hullabaloo, especially since I rarely care one way or the other. One side thinks that saying “Merry Christmas” is the same thing as allowing a religion to take over the government and foisting its brainwashing ideology upon the rest of us. The other side thinks that keeping a mostly pagan tradition alive is the only way to prevent Beelzebub from clearing a path of human skulls by which Lucifer will arrive to enslave the human race. As much as I love hyperbole, both sides seem absurd to me.
Yet, within the context of the ‘war,’ there is always to be found the tireless and tired war of words between the believers and the faithless. For example, allow me to cite a recent CNN article about a group of such nonbelievers who are starting a series of bus ads declaring that we should be good for goodness sake:
“It’s a stupid ad,” [standard outraged religious person] said. “How do we define ‘good’ if we don’t believe in God? God in his word, the Bible, tells us what’s good and bad and right and wrong. If we are each ourselves defining what’s good, it’s going to be a crazy world.”
Plato, and nearly every subsequent philosopher since him, is rolling over in his grave. Also, two things: 1) There is no necessary causal connection between atheism and moral relativism, quite the contrary; and 2) There is no reason to suppose that many religious persons are not in fact proponents of subjectivism themselves. But it goes on:
Also on Tuesday, the Liberty Counsel, a conservative Christian legal group based in Orlando, Florida, launched its sixth annual “Friend or Foe Christmas Campaign.” Liberty Counsel has intervened in disputes over nativity scenes and government bans on Christmas decorations, among other things.
“It’s the ultimate grinch to say there is no God at a time when millions of people around the world celebrate the birth of Christ,” said Mathew Staver, the group’s chairman and dean of the Liberty University School of Law. “Certainly, they have the right to believe what they want, but this is insulting.”
What is insulting, apparently, is the insinuation that there is no god, but we should be good people anyway. Now, I could sit around and stew about how people can think that morality would have anything to do with a god (which I frequently do privately, or amongst like minded cohorts, but never to the faithful), but I would never describe their views as insulting to me. In fact, living in the U.S. means being inundated by a constant barrage of religious propaganda, yet it is very rarely genuinely insulting to me.
I guess I just need to learn to take offense more often and at more innocent things. Also, to develop a persecution complex so that every instance of a competing view being anywhere near the public square causes bile to rise in my throat.
A friend wondered aloud recently if this is what it felt like for Republicans all of the time: to have such an absurd, inflated sense of patriotism that it begins to blind you in a euphoric and almost dangerous way. During art in my classroom yesterday I found myself fashioning an American flag for one of my students—who happened to be black—and the image of him waving it about with a grin on his face blanketed me anew in the alien mix of pride and disbelief.
Why I chose to make that flag, I do not honestly know. I do know that last year in Paris a shopkeeper asked us if we were American, following it up with, “George Bush, yes?” We sheepishly lowered our heads and chirped out a dismissive affirmative. Now, I feel like I could parade through the Marais with the stars and stripes draped on my shoulders and I would be greeted as a citizen of the world, one of millions of standard bearers of hope for the future.
The mind of a Democrat is a complicated world. The New York Times talked recently about how liberals were refusing to let themselves get excited. Disappointment, after all, had been our bread and butter for the last eight years (excusing the 2006 elections, which proved to be fairly ineffectual anyway). There was always the sense that the election would get stolen, an epidemic of racism would emerge, or perhaps the dreaded resort of the vulgar: assassination. It still doesn’t quite feel real yet, but I will be there on inauguration day to ensure that the reality is burned into my mind forever.
It seems like forever and a half ago that I threw my emotional hat into the ring for Barack Obama, and while the risks were high, the payout ended up being even higher. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about politics again, and I feel like the little experiment that was America may just live to see another day.
I was checking on one of the many plants in our place this morning and I realized that living in and on the soil are hundreds of tiny worms and other forms of life. For some reason, I found this incredibly exciting–akin perhaps to the Simpsons Halloween episode where Lisa grows a tiny civilization on her tooth, or the Futurama where Bender’s body develops two microbial societies. The thought of independent life burgeoning inside of our suburban Virginia apartment in the soil of a potted plant makes me feel like a demi god. All hail lord Casimir! Your lives are in my all-powerful hands.
I haven’t exactly made my religious views vague lo these many years of posting on Caveat Lector, but there is something that has come to light that I would presume any rational, religious-minded person would concur with me on: Sarah Palin is fucking frightening. Certainly someone might object, “Hey, isn’t her base constructed of pro-American theocrats like herself? Why would religious people side with a heathen like yourself?” Good question.
Palin recently talked with James Dobson; that’s right, the doctor. Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re gearing up to defend the bastion of nuanced, balanced thought that is Focus on the Family, but hear me out. Let’s first get some of the key quotes out of the way, and then we’ll do a short discussion.
When Dobson suggests that he and other Christian leaders are praying for a McCain-Palin victory, she responds, “Well, it is that intercession that is so needed and so greatly appreciated. And I can feel it too, Dr. Dobson. I can feel the power or prayer and that strength is provided through our prayer warriors [Prayer warriors? Are you kidding me?] across this nation and I so appreciate it…And it’s just a great reminder also when we hear along the rope lines that people are interceding for us and praying for us; it’s our reminder to do the same, to put this all in God’s hands, to seek his perfect will for this nation and to, of course, seek his wisdom and guidance in putting this nation back on the right track.”
And, paradox in three…two…one…
Apparently acknowledging their long shot status, Dobson remarks, “We were just asking for, rather boldly asking, for a miracle with regard to the election this year,” to which Palin responds: “Collectively, we can do all that we have within us to strengthen our country and to let Americans know that government has to be on their side, it’s their government and as we seek God’s wisdom and His will in this election, we have to have faith that it’s all going to be good at the end of the day there on November 4th as this country moves forward.”
Did you see it? It may have been subtle, as it was muddied by all of the other blah-dee-blah-blah, but Palin just betrayed the insidious contradiction inherent in all religious dogma that preaches divine intervention. The contradiction is this: it is not possible to believe in the value of democracy while insisting that god will intervene as needed.
My understanding of democracy insists that the will of the people is sacrosanct, but Palin and Dobson are both hoping that regardless of who the people of America choose as their candidate, their will shall be overridden in place of divine wisdom. There are a host of other issues related to the McCain-Palin campaign’s take on the role of religion in politics and political outcomes, but this one seems to me to be patently seditious.
“Dear Lord, Please make it so that ballots of the sinners are lost, or that those who have strayed from the righteous Republican path are made to see the error of their ways. We know that whoever wins has your divine backing, and that you would only pick a ‘hard-core’ pro-lifer such as Sarah Palin, so let’s show those A-rabs who’s boss. And whatever you do, don’t let Obama win.”
There are a couple of anime series on which I will be keeping my discerning eye, and I would like to preview and discuss the premier episodes for you today.
First up is Michiko to Hatchin, an anime facing incredibly high expectations, given that it is from the studio that brought us Samurai Champloo and Ergo Proxy (just naming those two in the same sentence gives me chills). Michiko is thus far a fairly cliché badass warrior woman who is more comfortable with bullets than conversation. In the first episode we see the parallel between her life of breaking out of prison and robbing banks and her daughter Hatchin’s own prison of her foster family. The juxtaposition is that Michiko has already thoroughly established a take-no-shit personality, whereas Hatchin must break away from her submissive, doormat self.
I have no problem with the introductory episode being primarily character development, since characters are all-important for me, but others may see this as a bit of a hindrance. There certainly is action, particularly in the sequences featuring Michiko, yet it is a far cry from the marathon fights in Samurai Champloo. However, fans of Ergo Proxy will remember that there was very little action in its initial foray as well. I would hope that any viewer could appreciate the efforts on the part of the artists to authenticate the South American setting; the anime’s website features photos from locations used as inspiration. While I’m not as hooked as I have been with some other first episodes, Michiko is definitely a series that I will anticipate weekly.
The second series I would like to discuss is Kurozuka. From the outset I felt a strong Ninja Scroll vibe from this series, by which I mean a very dark and claustrophobic setting. The violence is positively visceral, and the world presented seems to be shrouded in an eternal night. The plot is nothing that hasn’t been done a thousand times over: boy meets girl, girl is a vampire, sexualized violence abounds. Unfortunately, I am going to have to abstain from making any judgments about this series yet, since I am to understand that it will be jumping ahead in time.
If the story manages to give us something new in the next couple of episodes, I think it could end up being a very intriguing series, but it also has the potential to be nothing more than a sadistic jerk off fest. We shall see.
Oh, and don’t forget about the continuation of Soul Eater.
It seems my obligation to this ethereal realm has been a little lax as of late. This negligence stems mostly from my opinion that no one really gives a shit about what I have or might have to say, so why should I invest time to reach out to those who couldn’t give a shit. If I know anything about the Internet (and I don’t), I am almost one hundred percent assured in my verdict. But, as a member of the Internet community, I have an inherent right to thrust forth my opinion in places it should never belong. Out here, everyone’s a super star.
One thing on most people’s minds - presuming those minds reside inside skulls inside America - is the upcoming, never-ending election. I would spend time talking about it here, but there’s really nothing to be said. If you’ve watched any television show (or at this point even half the commercials), you’ve seen all the asinine viewpoints out there for consumption all more ridiculous and absurd than the next. Mine would be no different. I may be able to contend with some of the lower rung fighters, but ultimately would get technically knocked out in round number two.
Moving on.
A new season of anime is beginning shortly here. As I speak, fansubbers are desperately trying to release the next great series for my enjoyment. This Fall’s line-up is really going to consume the entirety of my life. I say this because I haven’t really recovered from last season yet. The shere amount of shows debuting within the next week or so is truly staggering. Some look extremely promising, stepping up to replace some of my favorites from this last season. While others will probably be complete and total shit but like a child who doesn’t know better I will keep shoving these things into my gullet only to spit them out later covered in saliva.
Other than politics and anime, life has been sputtering on at its typical pace. The possibility of my falling ill seems most likely imminent. My place of employment is such that when one person contracts some type of deadly infection it spreads to all other living organisms within the building eventually making its way to me. I’ve been taking precautions to almost a psychotic level to try and at minimum dull my impending doom. So far it has worked (as I eat some Healthy Request Vegetable Soup), but if I know my body and I assure you that I do, I’ll wake up tomorrow totally fucked over and shut down.
In the world of music, I’ve actually been listening to quite a few new artists across some new genres. If I can make a conscience effort, I would like to update the Auscultator with some of the new tracks I am enjoying the most right now, but conscience efforts are some times are to come by. I’ll do my best. That’s about all I’ve got. I have some plans for later this weekend that I hope will not be ruined by any rhinos or other animal-named infections. Tonight is already a bust. I’ll try to make posting here a more frequent occurrence for the six of you reading. Peace.
There is a story out there about this guy who got ejected from a Yankees game for getting up to pee during “God Bless America,” and the pursuant outrage at either the Orwellian response or the treasonous nature of the pisser in question. It seems that Steinbrenner has a rule in place that there should be no excessive movements during the mandatory patriotism, and the NYPD is all too happy to enforce it. The story is interesting enough, but it is not what I care to discuss today. Rather, the justification, or lack of excuses for this and other types of thought bullying is what I am concerned with.
To open, let me state that I have the unfortunate habit of reading the comments threads underneath stories that I believe will provide opinionated fodder. You would think that I would have learned at least two things by now:
1) Any story/video/word/existence of any kind, no matter how neutral or disinterested, will create heated debates, and
2) This response will almost never be insightful, respectful, or meant to create a better society.
Of course, these two rules apply to all sides of the issue, no matter from whom or where the opinion is coming. Were I to be fair, I should assault comments in general, but I do not have time for that (and besides, I would have to lump in the comments from our beloved site, which are generally in the top 2% in terms of being logical and generous to the other view). No, the one sort of remark that I wish to discuss goes something along the lines of: “If you don’t like it, leave my country.”
Why does this particular comment feel so acerbic to me? Quite a few reasons, actually. One prominent reason is that it is applied almost as frequently as analogies to Hitler and Nazism. “You don’t like the way I advocate violently assaulting homosexuals because they’re an abomination to god? Move to France, pussy!” “You think that we shouldn’t have the right to enforce patriotism because it seems hypocritical in light of our otherwise extolling the freedoms of our country? You’re free to leave my country anytime, commie.” “You don’t like the lack of flavors at our ice cream parlor? Get out of my country!”
I’m not sure why the solution is always for the person who finds a flaw to eject themselves from the situation. I have heard quite a few Catholics complain of abuses, hypocrisy, and blatant cover-ups, but they don’t necessarily just jump ship. When you are so invested in an ideology (or perhaps large geographical locale where you hold citizenship) it is not often feasible to simply abort yourself and move on. What is more reasonable is to illustrate what you see to be flaws so that they can be discussed and, if necessary, corrected.
Another reason is that the response is so purely illogical it makes bile rise in my throat whenever I read it. The insinuation is that our country is the greatest, and if you can’t appreciate that, then you should move somewhere else to bitch and complain—but of course once you’re gone you will realize what you should have seen all along. So, our country is great because we have all of these rights to express views, but actually expressing them is stupid and whoever does so should leave (unless their views are pro-America)? And the best sort of America would be one where all and only people who were 100% zealots lived here so that no one would ever have to be exposed to dissent? Also, the country in fact belongs only to those who unconditionally love her and those who hold power, such as Steinbrenner?
Fuck. I don’t know why I let myself get so worked up about this sort of thing, but it really irks me when people are so lazy about their arguments that the best they can muster is suggesting expatriating as a solution. Sometimes I feel like vcolson: “If anyone posting ‘if you don’t like this country, then leave it’ is older than 9, you should be deported for incompetence.” I hate to think what the suggestion would be if I complained about the planet or people in general.
Oh, and if you didn’t like this article, leave my country.
Ever since I read some cheesy novel way back when about video games that would adopt characters to be slaughtered that would look like the enemies of the gamer, I knew it was only a matter of time before technology allowed us to do just that. Frankly, I expected the Grand Theft Auto series to be the first to allow gamers to upload visages of hated ones to be hacked, shot, stabbed, and mauled to death. Looks like EA beat Rockstar to the punch, pun intented.
Yes, EA’s new game FaceBreaker allows the gamer to import any image and create a boxer with whatever characteristics desired and then either dominate the ring, or savor them getting the snot kicked out of them by another. One of the promo videos even blatantly alludes to the fact that you could just as easily upload a picture of your own naked ass or the genitalia of whatever porn star/deformed dwarf you choose. Then, as if this were even a good idea, you can share the pictures online.
Granted, the producer looks like just the sort of tool who would perceive this being a good idea, but honestly, does the medium really need any help coming up with obscene/violent user created content? He and whoever else had a part in this probably imagined they were the first ones to ever conceive of such a concept, but I promise you they are not. Most others probably realized the implications of parents coming home and watching their 11 year old son kick the digital shit out of his algebra teacher, or having a giant penis head in perfect pugilistic form as it wails on a double D breast atop a twiggy anorexic body.
